Fake a lie
I'm a happy person. I don't need to convince myself because I know I am. But sometimes I get this feeling like I die inside, little by little in random intervals. And then I wonder if it's always like that. If it's like that for everybody. I'm a happy person, really. It's just the inevitability of human drama.
Here are some of the many things I've written at the back of my notebooks and various readings:
Early July 2006.
7:48am
So I'm alone in a classroom on the top most floor of a building. Twenty minutes ago the windows lining the corridor of this floor were closed. I opened some of them cos it was a pity not to let the cool air outside ventilate the halls. And it might get warmer later on. The weather is so fickle it can die down any second. It's so fickle that, anytime, it can rain. Hard.
Like right now.
It rains hard for 5 seconds then quiets down to a drizzle. Ten seconds later it's raining hard again. Then it comes to a drizzle again. Gray clouds tinged blue must be all over this part of the city. A mix of rain clouds and smog though, I reckon.
I can tell it's going to be a good day though. There's something beautiful about this that I kind of regret not lugging around my camera. To capture the moment, yknow... But how exactly do you capture a feeling in one photograph? A bunch of chairs in an empty classroom, windows open, set against a rainy, cloudy day, and a strangely good feeling. Self-timer? There, the rain's stopped.
7:56am
---
June 26, 2006.
9:24am
Notes from I <3 Huckabees the day after watching it and while reading Charles Lindholm's Culture and identity, Chapter 1 Who am I?
How am I not myself?
We reach a moment of clarity, realizing nothing is connected and so there is no sense in caring about things. But we eventually get sucked back into the inevitable, which is human drama. The inevitability of human drama.
Nothing is connected, then suddenly, they're all connected.
9:30am
(Still I <3 Huckabees and the question, statement?, How am I not myself?)
You are still you. But the characteristic of you is = not yourself, but at the same time not. So, who are you?
Who are you in the first place? How do you validate or make sure that that is you? Why do we find the need to establish who we are? A single self? What if you here is made of many yous? Why the hell do we say you are?
2:54pm - Envi Sci class
I'm selfish. I want to die before I have to deal with dangerously elevated sea levels (more so than now), extreme temperatures, and all that disaster movie-esque shiz.
---
June 19, 2006
Today I broke down. I didn't anticipate it. Sometimes loneliness gains a mind of its own, you no longer need to summon it.
---
August 24, 2006
7:45am
So I've been sitting here for 15 mins. Monday and Thursday mornings are my self-reflection periods I guess. Just because I have nothing else to do - my brain is too sad from not having enough sleep, but having too much internet from the night before, to do things like memorize Italian words or process academic musings from anthropologists. So I sit. Most of the time, after 15 mins. I plunk my head down and sleep. Other times I write... then plunk my head down after.
I forgot my pack of tissues and towel at home. I hate it when that happens. Since I really have to blow my nose, like 7 minuts ago I had to use a leaf fromt his notebook I'm writing on. Hahaha Of course, all the while, making sure nobody sees it but I'm writing about it anyway. I think I'd die laughing if somebody just passed by this classroom door and saw me.
Ugh I want a cup of corn. I had cereals for breakfast this morning. I didn't wake up early enough to prepare a bowl of oatmeal. And all I ate yesterday were donuts. I swear. I had 5 donuts yesterday for breakfast, lunch, snack and dinner. Fcking Gonuts ruined my diet of tomatoes, eggs, soy fruit shakes and wheat bread. My dad's in the hospital with fever after coming from Palawan by the way. Hope it's just pneumonia and not dengue. Well, I hope it's not anything over-serious at all.
---O fck you know what, I really have to go down and buy a pack of tissues.
(After writing this, AM bought a Php15 cup of corn after realizing her nose no longer decided to produce a surplus of mucus. She wants to let you know that between a Php10 pack of tissues and a Php15 cup of corn with 5 plies of tissue, she would, obviously, choose the latter.)
Here are some of the many things I've written at the back of my notebooks and various readings:
Early July 2006.
7:48am
So I'm alone in a classroom on the top most floor of a building. Twenty minutes ago the windows lining the corridor of this floor were closed. I opened some of them cos it was a pity not to let the cool air outside ventilate the halls. And it might get warmer later on. The weather is so fickle it can die down any second. It's so fickle that, anytime, it can rain. Hard.
Like right now.
It rains hard for 5 seconds then quiets down to a drizzle. Ten seconds later it's raining hard again. Then it comes to a drizzle again. Gray clouds tinged blue must be all over this part of the city. A mix of rain clouds and smog though, I reckon.
I can tell it's going to be a good day though. There's something beautiful about this that I kind of regret not lugging around my camera. To capture the moment, yknow... But how exactly do you capture a feeling in one photograph? A bunch of chairs in an empty classroom, windows open, set against a rainy, cloudy day, and a strangely good feeling. Self-timer? There, the rain's stopped.
7:56am
---
June 26, 2006.
9:24am
Notes from I <3 Huckabees the day after watching it and while reading Charles Lindholm's Culture and identity, Chapter 1 Who am I?
How am I not myself?
We reach a moment of clarity, realizing nothing is connected and so there is no sense in caring about things. But we eventually get sucked back into the inevitable, which is human drama. The inevitability of human drama.
Nothing is connected, then suddenly, they're all connected.
9:30am
(Still I <3 Huckabees and the question, statement?, How am I not myself?)
You are still you. But the characteristic of you is = not yourself, but at the same time not. So, who are you?
Who are you in the first place? How do you validate or make sure that that is you? Why do we find the need to establish who we are? A single self? What if you here is made of many yous? Why the hell do we say you are?
2:54pm - Envi Sci class
I'm selfish. I want to die before I have to deal with dangerously elevated sea levels (more so than now), extreme temperatures, and all that disaster movie-esque shiz.
---
June 19, 2006
Today I broke down. I didn't anticipate it. Sometimes loneliness gains a mind of its own, you no longer need to summon it.
---
August 24, 2006
7:45am
So I've been sitting here for 15 mins. Monday and Thursday mornings are my self-reflection periods I guess. Just because I have nothing else to do - my brain is too sad from not having enough sleep, but having too much internet from the night before, to do things like memorize Italian words or process academic musings from anthropologists. So I sit. Most of the time, after 15 mins. I plunk my head down and sleep. Other times I write... then plunk my head down after.
I forgot my pack of tissues and towel at home. I hate it when that happens. Since I really have to blow my nose, like 7 minuts ago I had to use a leaf fromt his notebook I'm writing on. Hahaha Of course, all the while, making sure nobody sees it but I'm writing about it anyway. I think I'd die laughing if somebody just passed by this classroom door and saw me.
Ugh I want a cup of corn. I had cereals for breakfast this morning. I didn't wake up early enough to prepare a bowl of oatmeal. And all I ate yesterday were donuts. I swear. I had 5 donuts yesterday for breakfast, lunch, snack and dinner. Fcking Gonuts ruined my diet of tomatoes, eggs, soy fruit shakes and wheat bread. My dad's in the hospital with fever after coming from Palawan by the way. Hope it's just pneumonia and not dengue. Well, I hope it's not anything over-serious at all.
---O fck you know what, I really have to go down and buy a pack of tissues.
(After writing this, AM bought a Php15 cup of corn after realizing her nose no longer decided to produce a surplus of mucus. She wants to let you know that between a Php10 pack of tissues and a Php15 cup of corn with 5 plies of tissue, she would, obviously, choose the latter.)
posted by Byeong | 8:05:00 PM
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