Another bitter, expletives-ridden post

As we all know (I know, you may not know but let's assume you already do) my mother is the master of hallucination. Not that she has powers that can make one hallucinate, it's that she's just damn good at hallucinating herself. She comes up with all these wild scenarios she swears happened. It usually surfaces when she blames things on other people, most of the time on me. And then when you prove her wrong, it's like nothing ever happened. It's too annoying. She screams and yells in a whiny, nagging voice condemning you for something that could have been her fault. She tries to rationalize things according to how she wants them to be by coming up with all these absurd hallucinations.

Before we lit my brother's birthday cake awhile ago, she asked me to load her unfinished tape on the DV cam. And so I did. But then an error message appeared. I tried putting on my tape, no error appeared. When I placed her tape in again the error message came up again. When I put back my own tape, the error message suddenly appeared as well. I think I have encountered that same message on the DCR-TRV17 before (C:31:23).

It just so happens that I was the last one who used the damned thing. I last used it inside the house, trying to practice with shots, white balance, etc. Apparently I WRECKED the fucking thing.

Sorry to say but I DID NOT.

I'm the only one who fully knows how to use the fucking thing... then why do I have to end up wrecking it? It's not even broken! I KNOW it's just a tape problem. I DID NOT. I DID NOT. I DID NOT.

No matter how many times I stress that I did not wreck the thing, and how I couldn't have possibly wrecked it, my reasoning and proofs fall on deaf ears and hallucinating minds. Nobody fucking listens to you even though your near-tears already. I hate it when this happens. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it.

This is one of the reasons why I want to get out of the house. I'm tired of my mother's whiny, nagging, hallucinating words (and she wonders why the hell I speak in an irritated tone... not that I'm disrespecting her but I'm tired of all this). I'm tired of nobody believing you didn't do it when you really didn't. I know it's going to be like this in the future as well. You know, somebody accusing you of corrupting a company's money, etc. But the thing there is I have proof that I couldn't have wrecked it and that the thing is fixable. Just so happens that my mom's thinking is screwed up, paranoid or something (she yelled and nagged for a long time thinking I lost the new sim card she bought when it was my little brother who played with the sim card case. She kept on saying, I placed this on top of the dresser, how could Jasper have gotten this? DUH. HE USED A FUCKING CHAIR. She swore she placed the case on top of the dresser only to find out that the case is inside her drawer and the sim card was'nt lost).

So apparently I wrecked it.

Well, fuck it. All I know is that I didn't wreck it. It's their problem.

PS:
Just after writing that last sentence she came into my room saying it's already fixed. It wasn't fixed because it wasn't broken in the first place. She inserted a new tape (not the same old one she's trying to finish) and it went back to "normal" according to her.

Well, fuck it.

Life's a bitch so fuck it.

Sorry for the numerous expletives. Stress, you know. After a tiring day and trying to friggin "perfectly" sing that one troublesome note for our Paskorus (Christmas Carol Contest), it just feels good to finally break down and let all the emotional and mental stress out.

---

And I just thought... if I were to end up as a deranged, useless, directionless bum with a vice, I'd probably end up as an alcoholic. I wouldn't want to be chainsmoking or taking drugs. That's the farthest I'd get, I guess.