The Downers - A rough guide to ironing parent-child creases

If you want to wallow a bit first in your pseudodepression and then calm down after, listen to Suede. Singles is particularly good because it's a collection of their singles that provides different themed songs. (From depressed to spitting disdain to positivity - hey that's the exact song title, hehe.)

If you want to get over your depression or vile feelings immediately, play the whole Spiritual Machines album from Our Lady Peace. Raine Maide will accompany you and speak to you, yes, directly to you, all through out.

These past few days, there have been too-frequent occurences of my mentally-induced emotional pseudobreakdowns. I've told some of my friends, these "breakdowns" somehow keep me going because you gain a lot of insights and think things over in the seemingly unbiased and stable frame in time that feeling like crap for a few minutes/hours creates. After that, you feel good as new. It might sound silly but shit just has to happen to make things better, you know. You tend to accept everything even more after each negative episode.

But the thing is, these pseudobreakdowns have been occuring too frequently. Maybe it's just my way of coping up with my lack of showing affection to my parents (that they have been telling me about) or of this huge communication barrier. What I thought was, I can't make them understand (or adopt my translation of various words) that to me, crazy is not an offensive term, I usually sound gloomy when in bored-normal mode (which I usually am at home), I am busy and can't always tell stories when summoned, etc.

I should probably adjust to their way of thinking and understanding, perhaps. And make arrangements and all. I said make arrangemetns because let's face it, I can't sacrifice precious pre-alloted online art growth for telling about what happened to my day. There should be another precious pre-alloted time for story telling. Besides, what they probably don't get is that I can make time for sharing stories of what happened during the day but it has to be on my own time. I don't like forced-telling (which is conversing when I am not in the mood) because the conversation turns out fake, a lot of the details involved are not included therefore ruling out substance, and/or it's just not a conversation. And I'd rather have a conversation, something with spirit. Oo na, maarte na. Hahaha

It's just that what I'm asking for (but haven't really done so for fear of further misunderstanding - believe me, it sounds silly and it will only make things better to tell... but I sense where things might go). Anyway, as I was saying: It's just that what I'm asking for is that they understand that the times have changed and various things mean differently to me and to them, like how crazy doesn't really sound offensive to me. (That's just an example.) And that they try to understand me as well without comparing me to anybody else or to their decades younger selves. I'm not sure if they've genuinely done so or not yet. I don't know. I can't read everybody's minds ;)

Also, I think they have failed to recognize the point in time (aka before all this confusion popped out again) that I was actually very peaceful in my manner of doing things and extra respectful. Well, the negative almost always steals the spotlight away from the positive. Or maybe that point in time I was talking about really didn't exist (but I swear, it did.)

For parents to better understand, partly or wholly - whichever, their children, I think they should be aware of their children's goals in life or priorities. I guess I just haven't told my parents that in a clear, unconfusing manner. I'll tell them some other time when the opportunity presents itself. I'm not posting them here. Hello? Are you my parents? haha

School needs to start again. And it's going to this Tuesday. But that needs to come even faster because I need distraction. I'll be complaining about a ton of school work and getting a vacation, I know. But then I'd actually have something to do, we'd actually all have something to do inside this house so we won't have to overanalyze little things and make big deals out of them that spawns ugly, ugly feelings.

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Sometimes we're the ones who make ourselves feel crap. It's just a bit dangerous when you don't realize that. Or when you blame somebody wholly for what is happening to you - which I think is impossible because we are almost always partly responsible for things we feel, things that happens to us, things we lose or gain, etc.

So... I have exhausted the Spiritual Machines album and this post should end already. Before I do so, let me share with you some of my favourite lyrical bits from the album.

I woke up in hell today, I woke up depressed and drained.
-Middle of Yesterday; Our Lady Peace


I'm not waiting for the answers, on a Sunday afternoon. I'm just too drunk to remember, why I always slip through. The drugs and fake condition, are helping me to hide. But it's the endless television, that has kept me inside. Where does it stop, where does it end? Why am I always complaining? I can be good, I can be bad, I can be bad. But everything's gone black. You're looking for that sun. You're looking for that light. You're not the only one who feel this way.
-Everyone's A Junkie; Our Lady Peace

Are you locked in your room? You should'nt be.
-Are You Sad?; Our Lady Peace